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Trying To Understand Love

July 2, 2009
By Jamie Probst, MSW
I acknowledge that at my young age my experiences with love are likely less involved than most of you who are reading my articles.

With that in mind I’m sure that some of you will shake your head and remind me that I’ve not been married and don’t exactly know what I am talking about, and perhaps you’re right.

No doubt many of you who have been married for several decades know far more about love than I can ever hope to learn. But I will tell you what I do know. Love is an amazing thing that we as human beings often take for granted. So often as time goes by we come to view our spouse’s habits and eccentricities, that we once found endearing, as annoyances.

We contemplate how nice it would be to be alone. To have free time, and to have quiet where our spouse does not nag us. These thoughts, and many more like them, flow through our mind at times.

This is when people who have been married for a long time feel the need to tell young couples "you just wait, the magic will wear off". It certainly is true that as time goes by the magic of love is less visible and can wear off, but only if we allow it to.

Love is not a passive thing which simply exists whether we want it to or not, it is something that changes and evolves through time. It is something that we must actively work on to keep alive, enriching, and ever present in our lives.

So often we fail to see how important something or someone is to us until they are no longer there.

What would you do tomorrow if you were to wake up and your spouse were no longer in your life?

What if they really weren’t there anymore to nag us?

What if they weren’t there when we come home from work at the end of the day?

Would you rejoice, or would you wish with all your heart for a second chance?

So often we do not think about such things until the day comes when that person is no longer in our life. It is then that we are left to think about such things, with nothing but time alone to do so.

If we live each day with the thought that tomorrow may not come, we can more fully appreciate what we have today. In truth it is not expensive cars or stereo systems that are important in life. And although they make us happy, at times, it is not a lasting happiness.

Writer Allan Chalmers had wonderful insight into what we really need to be happy in life. Something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.


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